Well I am 6 weeks and 4 days (again remember the possibility of dating being off...). I am NOT sleeping well. Bad dreams are ruining my life. I keep having nightmares. Anything from losing the baby to random stuff that doesn't make ANY sense. If I'm not having nightmares, it's vivid dreams that don't let me rest. I am so tired all of the time but I hate sleeping now. I just constantly wonder what I'm going to dream about tonight. I have woken up countless times in the last week with my heart pounding, dripping sweat from a nightmare. I had these with Mason but I don't remember them starting so soon. I hope they resolve themselves soon. I don't know if I can go through this for 7 more months.
Tomorrow is my first Perinatologist appt. I'm very nervous. I'm having to see the same guy that told me I should abort "Peanut". because of the heart surgery less than a year before. We jumped through hoops for this guy to shut his mouth about abortion... then when he FINALLY shuts up, we lose our precious Little one. The heart surgery is no longer relevant but the "cancer" they thought I had a few months ago might be an issue. My OB is perfectly comfortable with this pregnancy and so the oncologist that treated me, however we think I'm going to run into resistance again with this the Peri (Dr. Lodeiro). I'm waiting on a phone call back from my oncologists office. I have asked him to write a note specifically saying he is comfortable with this pregnancy and there is no threat of the "cancer" returning at this point. I have to this guy because of my clotting disorders. If it weren't for those... I would NEVER have to deal with this. Darn my body! Why does it always fail me and now it fails my children.
I'll post more tomorrow after I have seen the Dr. I can only imagine what type of nightmares I'll have tonight, just thinking about that guy ticks me off and scares all at once.
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